Chapter 14: Apprenticeship

It was 1957.    I don’t remember meeting with  Noth Paddington School guidance counsellor, about working after leaving school.  But I do remember it was a lady. I would have thought that at that time  I  would of have told her that  I was good at good woodwork and metalwork. So, because of this, she got me a job at a company besides the cut ( canal ) in Paddington.

The name of the company was   Mathew Hall, this company produced metal piping and the like. Mathew Hall was situated about 6 blocks from the school. Just up the Harrow Road.

My job was basically was a go-fer.  Go for this and go for that.

The company used to send me all around London on the Double Decker buses or on the Tube. ( The Underground ) I used to travel around London to different tool stores to buy drill bits reamers and various other small tools. I guess I was a cheap form of quicky mail.

Back then there was no internet or any cell phones so if your family or business would not have had any of today’s modern electronic conveniences.

When I was not running around for this and that, I was the shop boy. One job that I was given was drilling holes in some brass rings. The drill bit kept grabbing and the brass ring would spin on the drill. I was shit scared that I was going to cut my fingers off as the rings were made from sheet brass.

As I was always working around the plant I was asked by the two blokes working in the lathe room, to take care of the Derby draw. the Derby was one of the biggest horse races of the year. I  had no idea what to do but I got the gist of it.

So, I  got hold of the morning paper. From there I was able to write down the names of the horses from the sports page, on a sheet of paper.

There were about 16 horses. in the Derby that year. I cut and folded the bits of paper up and put them in a paper bag. I went around Mathew Halls until I had one horse left So I put in my 2 shillings and the horse was mine.

Unbeknownst to me, I had picked the favourite and of cause, the fucking thing won. There was a few pissed off people at Mathew Hall after my win, saying that I had rigged the draw because I had the favourite ” Clorepello.

Nothing was further from the truth I had no idea about horse racing and how to run a sweepstake as they called it.


In a room at Mathew  Hall, there were two blokes that worked together    They both worked on lathes. One, Frank looked like Punch from Punch and Judy, with glasses with a big shiny hooked nose. The Other was Harry Balcombe.

Harry was to me about 100 years old, he had a droopy moustache and grey and black wavy hair. His moustache was stained by cigarette nicotine,  and he always had a fag, as they used to call them, in the corner of his mouth, with at least an inch of ash hanging on the end of it.

Plus he also wore glasses hanging from the end of his nose which he used to peer over the top of.  Harry also seemed to have no teeth.

So Harry says to me one day.

”  ‘Err Cock what the fucking ‘ell are you doing working ‘ere. “

So I say naively,“ What do you mean  ‘Arry?”

Harry then says, “ Why don’t you get yourself a real job, a fucking  apprenticeship!”

“ What’s an Apprenticeship ‘ Arry?

“ It’s a fucking job where you learn on the job and they pay you at the same fucking time!  With that, he writes an address on a scrap of paper and says

“ Here Cock go to this place ‘ere and tell them that you want an apprenticeship, and, tell them that “’Arry   Balcombe sent you!  “

So sure enough, I got on a train to Willesden junction two stops up the line from Queens Park Station. From there I rode a double Decker bus to East Acton. from there I walked to the address on a scrap of paper. Light Alloys of East Acton.

When I got there, there was a uniformed guard on the gate standing outside a small green hut. Just like a guard at Buckingham Palace. He directed me to the Personnel Dep’t, a few steps away from the entrance gate. So, I went into the Personnel there and told them.

“ Arry  Balcombe sent me ‘eer and to tell you to give me an apprenticeship”!  So they did and  I became an apprentice draftsman.    You could not do this nowadays, that’s for sure. You couldn’t today just walk into a job anywhere and tell them that you wanted an apprenticeship. It doesn’t work like that anymore.

This trip to Light Alloys was to set me up for the rest of my life, almost! As an apprentice back then, you had to spend time in all the company departments..   Some of the departments at Light Alloys were the Foundry the Machine Shop, the  Tool Room and the Drafting Room.

I can’t remember how big the company was as it had numerous buildings on its grounds. There was one building that housed a foundry. The foundry is where they melt down aluminium then pour it into moulds. The moulds were made of cast sand.

Then there was the Tool Room which also had its own building This was where the cast iron dies were made to also pour in white-hot aluminium

But, I started off in the Machine shop.  This was where all the aluminium castings were machined The first week I worked with a bloke named  Tim. He started to show me the way to set up the milling machine for different jobs… as the week wore on, I became ill l had never felt like it before. I had, for the first time in my life caught the flu. I was so sick that  I  had to take the second week of my new job, of off work.

During my time in the machine shop, I was put to work with different machine operators and landed up working with basically all the machine operators throughout the very large machine shop.

One of the machine operators was a bloke they called Ginger Barr.  Ginger or Bert his real name was a real character. and I absolutely loved working with him.

One day  I just happened to call Bert an old fart.  So he says to me

“’ ow fucking old do you fink I am? “

I said “don’t know Ginger. ”

He says “I’m twenty fucking seven.” Which made him 10 years older than me, which is not such a big spread in years.  So I  made a mental note not to call him an Old Fart anymore.

Ginger was always telling stories, usually about somebody else. One was about a bloke that worked at Light Alloys they called Chopper. He evidently got that name because he was hung like a horse. Ginger said that he said to Chopper one day.

“Having a big cock like that must get you lots of women.”

Chopper told Ginger that the opposite was the case. Because he said that he would lose more cunt over having a big cock because he couldn’t get it in.  So Ginger says to him,

“You can give me some of it, I could do with a bit more. I’d like to surprise the Misses.”

In the machine shop, they put me to work on a lathe, I had to spend some time turning down and polishing up the faces of these aluminium parts. so when I had done about half a dozen I took them over to the inspector for his approval.

He looked at them and said

” Bryan these are the best parts I have ever seen! but they are no fucking good! ”

So I said what’s wrong with them?  He said that if I send them to the Customer he’ll send thousands of the ones we have sent them already, back to us  With a note saying I want the others machined exactly the same way!

After the 6 month stint in the machine shop, I was sent to the tool room which I really liked. I liked it so much that I asked the Company if I could become a Tool and Die maker instead of a Draftsman.  So there it was A Tool and Die maker from here to the day retired in 2010.

What a ride it was going to turn out to be.

At Light Alloys I worked in the tool room mainly with Ron another apprentice and two tools and die, makers, Hoppy and Scotty. What a foursome that we turned out to be.

We were always fucking around, work was fun. One day Hoppy comes to me while I was working on a surface grinder. He say’s

“ Bryan, Let’s get Ron on the penny and the funnel trick. “  So I says

What’s that? “

Hoppy says” you don’t know “

I said

“ No” so he says.

“ Let’s go to the corner of the tool room by the stockroom. “

When we get there, Dick the Old  Stock Room attendant had a funnel down the front of his trousers. He also had a penny on his forehead and was trying to lob the penny into the funnel. There was a crowd of guys all hanging around watching. So I says

” Shit that’s fucking easy Dick.”

With that, I grabbed the funnel stuck it down my belt put the penny on my forehead and proceeded to lob the penny from my forehead into the funnel. The crowd said “Fuck me Bryan anybody can do it that way. To do it properly you have to lean right back !”

So I grabbed the penny again. (Which at the time was the big penny. )  I put the penny on my forehead and leaned back I said

How’s this? Everybody said.

Beautiful .”

With that, Dick took a big mug of cold water and poured it into the funnel. All I felt was a lot of cold water in my underwear and work pants and all down my legs. At that, there was a great roar of laughter from everybody who was watching the action.

I can tell you that It took some time for the noise to die down.

Right away I thought, well I‘ll just have to get Ron.  So I went to the back end of the Toolroom. There I found Ron drilling holes on the Radial Drill. He had no idea of what had transpired. So I  got chatting with him. Then I said.

“Hey, Ron have you ever seen the penny and the Funnel trick? ”

Ron says” no”,

but he seemed reluctant to go to the stockroom area to see it. But finally, I convinced him to go down and watch Dick show him how it was done.

Well, when we got to the stock room area Dick was there to show him how it was done.  Ron was still hesitant to try it maybe he smelt a rat. So I said.

“Look, Ron, Dick is not doing it right ”

I took the funnel from Dick and put down the top of my trouser pants and then put the penny on my forehead, and  I said to Ron.

” You have to lean right back like this Ron!”

And as  I leant right back to show Ron the best way to do this trick.    Dick poured another large mug of cold water into the funnel which made my pants and underwear wetter than ever. Well, you could of have heard the laughter at Windsor Castle. The place went ballistic the guys were falling all over the place they were laughing so hard.

When Ron found out that it was my second Mug of cold water down my pants in half an hour. He didn’t stop laughing for the rest of the day.

Another event in the tool room at Light Alloys that I remember to this day. Was this. I was working with an older guy they called Wag. ( I don’t make these names up. ) Wag always worked on the same milling machine., and I was helping him. I said to Wag

I had seen a notice on the notice board concerning a   company Annual Cribbage Tournament. I said What was that all about. He said that cribbage was a card game. And he went on to say that he was the Company Cribbage Champion!

Also, he said he had been the Champion for many years. I said to him

“ Wag is Cribbage the same as Crib. Is that the same game?”

He told me, yes, but not to bother to enter because I would be wasting my time. I thought, Fuck you Wag. I went and found an entry form and filled it in.

For the cribbage tournament,  the games were to be played at lunchtime in the canteen. So here I was the Apprentice of 17 going up against hardened crib players. The games were to take place over a number of weeks in the lunchroom. There was a lot of crib players. that’s why the tournament was over a number of weeks.

Well here’s the scoop. I was taught to play crib ( Cribbage ) by Reggie Williams father Jim Williams. He taught all of his sons and me to play, we used to play all day every Saturday and Sunday. Reggie’s dad Jim learnt to play in the merchant navy he was an A1 plus player and if any of us boys beat him, it was a good day at the office.  Jim Williams showed boys us all the tricks and angles of cribbage. I learnt to play with his sons from the age of about 11. So I had about 6 years of every weekend playing crib.

I never let on to anybody at Light Alloys all this information. So, after  I just breezed through the early rounds.   The employees in the canteen at lunchtime realised that I was the real deal when it came to crib and I started to get a following after I won my first couple of games.

I never lost one game against all these old cribbage pros and over the weeks won all my games right through to the final.

Where low and behold I was in the final with Wag. I don’t think that Wag was any too pleased to be playing a 17-year-old in the final, but he had no choice.

Come the final day, we were in the Light Alloys lunchroom. The place was packed to see this cribbage final, the master against the rookie. The rules were best 2 out of three games.

There was a big crowd around our lunch table watching us intently.    I won the first game easily and in the second game, I got a lot of bad cards and nothing in the boxes. So that game was Wags. So it was one game each. It was all down to the last game.  You could have cut the tension in the air with a knife.

There we were in the last game Wag and me with one game each. You could have heard a pin drop.

It was towards the end of the last game and I was a few points from the end and had to peg out. because it was Wags first take, if you know how to play crib, you are at a very distinct disadvantage towards the end of a game if with only a few points to go your opponent has first taken of the points.

So, I knew that I had to peg out my points before Wags take, otherwise all was lost. Jim had taught us that in situations like this we always keep our lowest cards so that we can “ peg out “.

So that’s what I did. I hung on to my four lowest cards and put the two highest in Wags cribbage or box.   I led off with an Ace but Wag had an Ace to match, So he laid his Ace and pegged 2 points, but I had a third Ace which I laid on the table. That gave me 6 points. Being that I only need 5 points, I won.

The canteen went ballistic. I was a fucking hero! Wag was really pissed to lose but he took it well and shook my hand.

I got a trophy and five pounds for my efforts. After this tournament Wag respected me a lot more. Because I had beat his arse! and he knew it.

Another event that Wag and I were involved with was the annual bird draw. I say bird because they drew clock numbers every Christmas and you would if your clock number was drawn would get a chicken, goose, duck or turkey. Well, I was after telling Wag in the tool room one Christmas that I had won a turkey in the Christmas draw, and that I had won a bird every Christmas since I had been there.  With that Wag started to cry. I said to him “ Hey Wag what’s up?

” He then preceded to tell me that he had been at Light Alloys for 30 years and had never won a bird. I at my young age felt so sorry for him. I almost gave him mine but. I always took the birds from the draw to Kensal Rise at Earlsmead road where the Williams now lived. They had moved there from Kilburn Park Road. I gave the bird to Mrs Williams for putting up with me all year. She was always thankful to have the bird for Christmas. And I was always happy to give it to her.

I took day release, on a Wednesday, to North Paddington Technical College. I can’t say that I liked it much. But I had to do it as part of my apprenticeship. I hated doing all these tests of setting up pulleys and ropes figuring out the angles and the pound per pull and the like. And I was more than glad to see the end of that class

Bill Hayley was played a lot at Reggie Williams house on Earlsmead Road. in Kensal Green. Ted Williams one of Reggies older brothers would buy the 78 records. At that time I believe the cost of the 78rpm and change. was around 6 shillings and a few pennies

.Every weekend the very small sitting room with cream coloured walls was filled with cigarette smoke. there we would sit all weekend. There would be Jim Williams the father, The Williams sons. Albert, Ken, Ann, Reggie, Sid, . There was another son Leslie but he died in a tragic accident on Kilburn Park Road,

Lesli around 10 years of age was watching a road sweeper when he walked into a lamppost, lost his balance and fell under the brush of the road sweeper, which then swept him under the back wheels

In about the fall of 1958, Dad bought himself a Moped. It was a heavy type bicycle with a small motor on it. He kitted himself up and took off to 80 miles west of London, to Swindon. I guess that on a moped it would take about 4-5 hours to get there.

When dad got to Swindon he took a tour and decided that he liked it and left. And came back to 201 Carlton Vale. When he got back from Swindon that day. Mum Pauline and I welcomed him back to 201 Carlton Vale as a hero coming back from the first trip across the Atlantic!

Evidently, there were new council houses being built in Swindon but to get one you had to have a job there. So dad got himself a job in a factory in Swindon called Plessey’s. He had to live in a hut with half a dozen other guys in a camp on the edge of Swindon, in Stratton St. Margaret. They stayed there until they were allotted their council house from Swindon Council.

After about 6 long weeks dad was given a council house. 31 Buckland Close. Park North Swindon. So we moved there in the summer of 1959. That was a really hot summer. The terraced house was brand new and had a small front yard and a small back yard.

A few of the guys that dad worked with at Plessis and shared the hut with at Straton St. Margarets,  dad became life long friends with.

There was nothing behind us for many years. Only farmers’ fields which had in the summer loads and loads of blackberries. Which we used to pick and eat, and mum made lots of blackberry jam with.

 Dad got me a job at Plessey’s, I really hated it I was supposed to transfer my apprenticeship. But being at Plessey’s was nothing like Lightalloys. So one fine day I packed my bags got a bus to Swindon Station. There I boarded a train and went back to London. On arriving at Paddington Station I got on the Tube and went to Kensal Green where Reggie lived 43 Earlsmead Road.  There I stayed for the next two or three years.  

 I got a job on the North Circular Road at Smiths Clocks and Watches in the grinding dept. I liked it there. The Department was run by a plumpish red-headed nice Welsh bloke called Dave. he looked like a red-headed Friar Tuck from Robin Hood tales.

Having done grinding at Light Alloy’s tool room it was easy for me. I had the job of grinding things on a surface grinder, plus I learnt to use a centerless grinder there. I didn’t like using that machine much as you could get hurt if you loaded that machine wrong. I used to sweat blood doing some jobs on that grinder.

There is not too much to tell about Smiths.  Except, There was a football field in the middle of Smiths grounds. Evidently, there was an old air-raid shelter underneath the field somewhere. I never did see it.

Well, the Smith’s security guard on his rounds one day, discovered lots of used French Letters ( Condoms )on the ground in the air-raid shelter. So he staked out the air raid shelter and found an afternoon shift foreman and many different female workers were going into the shelter in their lunch breaks and getting it on in there.

It was discovered that the women that the foreman got it on with were given the best piece work jobs and hence more money in their pay packet.

But on the other hand, the foreman got and had an endless supply of pussy. The dirty filthy lucky bastard!

So, the Company,  couldn’t fire all the women there were evidently too many.  The dirty filthy lucky bastard! So they took the easy road, they fired the foreman.

I quit Smith’s and went to Dictaphone in East Acton I left for more money. There I  got a job working on a small Capstan Hardinger lathe.  The Company at that time made a dictating machine and we made the parts to go in it. The parts were on the small size but I was o.k. with that.

I was one of the few males working in a small production shop. There were plenty of females who seemed to be constantly bitching about one another. I never took sides I just listened to what they had to say.

After I had been there for a while, some of the women relaxed and started to tell me their most intimate secrets.  One woman, in particular, Doris a well-dressed and nicely made up 30-year-old lady, would tell me when she had sex.  She would say stuff to me like.

“ He did it to me last night .”

” I said how did it go?.”

“Well, as he was doing it, I was looking at the bedroom wall and thinking that we need new wallpaper.” And that we need to paint the room. There are even some cobwebs in one of the corners of the room.”

So I said to Doris,”  Does he know that when he’s” doing you” that you have no interest what so ever? She replied, “ I guess not!”

So just being me I said to her.  Doris, I noticed that the setter on the lathes on the night shift seem to talk to you a lot in the morning as he is leaving. I think that he likes you .”

“ You mean  Denis,  Yes I think that you are right! ‘

“ Would you let him bang you ?”

“I don’t know about that, “

“ But Doris your just a young lady, women need sex just the same as men Isn’t that Right?

“ Supposedly so.”

Another time I’m talking to Doris,” What do think about Phil the inspector. I think that he has a crush on you”

“ I think so too he’s always coming over here and bothering me.

Me…. “ if you let him bang you it would properly be better than watching spiders on the ceiling making cobwebs. “

Doris “ You are properly right! “

I had lots of conversations with a lot of female machine operators. usually about sex. A young Irish girl who had above normal size breasts talked to me a lot.  But for the life of me, I canny remember what she talked to me about.  She had red hair but I don’t know if it was natural or not. but I liked to watch her tits jiggle as she talked because she would wave her arms around a lot, and away they would jiggle.

After I had been at Dictaphone a short while I volunteered for the night shift.

While I was on night shift I was nosing about the foreman’s desk I found a letter from the office to Len the foreman. It concerned me. Saying that my production was not where it was supposed to be.

Was I ever pissed off at my self? Right away my numbers went up. I knew what the problem was. They guys on nights were only a small crew and on our lunchtimes, we used to sit in the inspection office and play cards for at least two hours. So I knocked that on the head. and gave more to my production numbers. I did not want to lose my job.

I used to check Lens desk on a regular basis. I never found another note pertaining to me. I never told anybody there about the note, why spread bad things about yourself.

One Monday a notice went up with regards to the annual trip to the coast. Which evidently this year was Southend.  I found out that most people working at Dictaphone were going, so I put my name down to go.

There was another Brian working at Dictaphone. He worked across the aisle on the automatic lathes. Brian was 21. When his machines were all running he would come over and talk to the women  and to me

I hadn’t been at Dictaphone too long when they had a collection for Brian as he was getting married.

Came the Saturday the day of the trip to Southend. The weather was glorious.  I took the tube from Kensal Green to Willesden Junction and then I caught the bus outside the station to arrive at the Dictaphone plant two bus stops later.. The two coaches were there already when I got there. .

Women were all loaded into one coach and men into the other. I was thinking this is not right, men in one coach women in the other. I voiced my thoughts to Brian who was going on the trip. He said “ don’t worry  Bry, I bet yer  Thing will change.

Sure enough, they did but not till the end of the day. Once the coaches were filled and everybody was aboard. They left Dictaphone and headed out on their way to Southend.

So, about 5 miles outside of London the coaches pulled over to the side of the road. Everybody got out to stretch their legs. The beer was broken out from the coach underbelly and bags of chips and sandwiches were floated about after a short stop we loaded back up into the coaches and we were on our way. When we got to Southend, the coaches dropped us all out on the front of the promenade just by the amusement park.

  The men had agreed that we would not be hitting on any women until 6.0pm when we would be loaded back up into the buses, ready to go to the pub, which was halfway back to London. There was to be a dinner and dance, which was the last stop of our itinerary for the day.

So we had had a great day, playing on the amusements and eating greasy food and, in general, having a great old time. In and out of this pub, that pub,….. the weather held which was great. Come 6 o’clock we all met up where the coaches had dropped us off earlier in the day.

By now most of us were half in the bag and some men got in the women’s coach and vice versa. The coaches left Southend and after about half an hour on the road back to London, they pulled into a pub parking lot.

 It was a nice Tudor style place pub, very nice inside with a couple of bars a small stage and a  dance floor. We all went in and sat around in tables and chairs set up around the dance floor, where served us a nice meal.  Once that was done they cleared the tables so we could get some dancing done.

Shortly thereafter the band started up. By now couples were pairing off. I had hit on a good looking chick from the office. Muriel was her name she was 19- 20 ish.  I found her to be a very attractive girl with awesome legs and hips.. I was getting along great with her. I had spoken to her a few times at work, she worked in the office and I  was out in the plant.

When we got to dancing she especially seemed to like the slow ones, she just seemed to melt into my arms. While I was enjoying my time with her, I was watching the action around me.  The two guys, one from inspection and Denis from nights, and Phil from inspection. were both drooling over Doris at her table.

The next time that I looked over Doris’s way she was gone and so was Denis.

I noticed that Phil was now over at another table. Chatting up some office birds.

Quite a bit later I noticed that Doris and Denis had discreetly returned.  Then as I was dancing with Muriel I noticed that Phil was at Doris’s table whispering sweet nothings in her ear. A dance later I looked over again and, they were both gone.

So, Doris was double-dipping. The dirty filthy lucky bitch!

I now started to settle in with Muriel, she had asked if I would like to go back to her place when we got back to London. I said yes, off  cause.  When the dance was over we all piled back into the two coaches and settled down.

So on the way back to London, both coaches had different occupants in them than what they had when we left Dictaphone first thing this morning.

Muriel and I were in a seat three rows from the back of the coach. Muriel being in the window seat. As we were on the road heading home. Nature was calling men especially wanted to pee. Then a large chamber pot was brought up the aisle and anybody who wanted to pee could.

I seem to remember the chamber pot from the bar counter. But there it was sitting on the bar just holding packages of Smiths Crisps. Obviously, somebody had the foresight to steal it so that it could be used on such an occasion as this.

Anyhow,  some drunken women were getting out men’s weapons and holding them steady while the bus bounced down the road and the men urinated into the chamber pot. The bus had to stop a couple of times to empty the chamber pot. After a while the bus quietened down, people were either sleeping or necking.

I was necking with Muriel when I happened to catch a reflection in the bus window of a couple on the back seat of the bus. I could not believe my eyes,  you just cannot make this shit up!.

There necking on the backseat was 21-year old Brian, the 3-week old newlywed kissing and groping with Marge from the production shop. Marge was almost 65 was short and dumpy. Wore her hair in tightish grey curls, had whiskers on her chin and rounded all this off with blue butterfly glasses.

I held my finger up to my lips at Muriel and pointed to the reflections in the bus glass. She nearly slipped off the bus seat and onto the bus floor trying to suppress her emotions.  We had to keep quiet, we did not want the two on the back seat that we had their number, this could go anywhere. We watched them for a few moments and got back to what we were doing.

Finally, we got back to the plant in the wee hours of Sunday morning. I can’t remember how we got back to Muriel’s place but we did.  We clambered into bed exhausted, it had been a long day. We just cuddled up and talked about Brian and Marge, and fell asleep.

Sex was for Sunday morning along with eggs and bacon that Muriel fixed up for us.  Even tho Muriel was only young she already had a divorce under her belt.

Muriel told me that I was a very good shagger. On hearing that I thought to myself. That,s what years of wanking will do for you. I was to think this many times over my early twenties.

Muriel was an extremely nice young lady.  Around my age, She was a very attractive girl with fabulous legs and hips. She was one of those that I let slip through my fingers, I guess that I was not ready to date steadily.  I know one thing she really liked me. We could have gone a long way together.

The following week post-Southend. Rumours were flowing throughout the plant, regarding Brian and Marge. They were palsy- wowsey at work. He would come over and offer her a fag and she him. ( back then everybody smoked ). While his automotive line was running, he would come across and say to her.

“ How’s it going darling  ?”

I was two machines from her so I could see and hear almost everything that was said and what was going on.

Rumours had it that she had a son older than him, also that he was seen going over to where she lived. I for one could only imagine what was going on.   I carried on seeing Muriel for some time when a fresh new face arrived on the scene at Dictaphone. Her name was Francis.

Francis was a very pretty girl and had big ones to boot.  I had a hard time trying to date her, as she had a boyfriend in the army. so it was a restricted relationship. But I know for one thing she liked her sex and so did I.

The trouble with Francis was. She lived at home. I was living at the Williams place in Kensal Green and I did not have at the time any form of transportation.  And I was certainly not going to take her back to William’s place for 4-5 males to be leering at her . and how was I going to get her in my shared bedroom, the house was never empty, unfortunately. So that was a no go. But the few encounters I had with her were great.

Francis claim to fame was. She and her army boyfriend were T.V.  contestants on “ The Sunday night at the London Palladium “

Francis slowly fell off the planet along with Muriel, and I moved on.

This how I came to get myself a scooter. As already stated. Reggie had a large family. With 5 brothers and one sister Anne. One of the brothers Sid had a red and white 1959 Lambretta scooter and got bored with it. So I took over the payments from him.

This a 1959 or thereabouts, Lambretta Li

Now I had wheels.  I tied in with other local scooter lovers and we would go to night clubs all over London and also drive down to the south coast on weekends.

Once I had the scooter the world was my oyster. I was able to travel around the different clubs and dance halls and the “ In “ Pubs, around London.

I used to go around with John Biggerstaff, he had a fancy high-end Vesper  G.S. scooter that was fitted out with chrome this and chrome that. It looked great and sounded even better. But it had one flaw, it was always breaking down.

 One of the places that we used to hang out in was a  pub near Battersea Power Station.   In this particular pub, there was always lots of girls that hung out there. Two, in particular, would always be together. One was Sue, and the other one was Brenda.

The Mods cult leaving for the coast

Every time I saw these girls I got good vibes from Brenda. She was a slim pretty girl with short blond hair.  Brenda and Sue would talk back slang together. Thinking that I could not understand. But I got the gist of most of what they said.  Most of it was about me and that Brenda really liked me. Well, I liked her, but I liked Sue better.

Anyhow, I never let on that I could follow their back slang crap. One night Brenda invited me over to the flat where  She lived with her grandparents and her older brother. The flat complexes were not too far from Battersea Power Station. I never did ask Brenda what happened to her parents and she never volunteered the information.

 Brenda was 21.  I was 19. Yes, your right. Brenda was older than me but what’s a couple of years when you want to get laid. Especially when you have only ever fucked one other girl. I went back to her place for the first time one night and she got me in bed with her.

After the sex, she told me that I was good at shagging. I didn’t let her know that I had been told this before by Muriel and that  I was quite proud of myself after years and years of wanking, that lots of wanking will make you a very good a shagger!

After I had been hanging out with Brenda for a while it was my birthday, we were all hanging out at the Battersea Pub. John Biggerstaff and some of our other scooter friends and Brenda’s friend Sue.

So Brenda tells me that she had a birthday present for me, but it was back at the flat. So Brenda, Sue and myself we went back to the flat about ten-ish. As usual, nobody was up, the grandparents were in bed.   So the three of us go into Brenda’s bedroom.

There was only a small light on, so in the semi-darkness, Brenda and Sue stripped off so I did the same. Once I was undressed they pulled me onto the bed.  Brenda said to me as she was giggling that this was my birthday present.

Well, was I ever happy about that, as out of the two of them I had always preferred Sue. Sue had biggish tits whereas Brenda was almost flat chested. So I had a great fucking night and a great end to my 20thbirthday,

As I write this I just realized that it’s my birthday tomorrow and I will be 80. so the affair with Brenda was 60 years ago. Wow! it seems just like yesterday.

Yes, I was seduced by an older woman even though she was only two years older, she was older. If she is still around today she would be almost 82. [Over my years of screwing girls – women I found myself attracted to the younger girl or woman!]

To this day she was and still is the only female that I had sex with that was older than me. I guess that could constitute  as some sort of record!

Brenda and I were at “It “regularly after that. I can’t remember how long I went out with Brenda. But Tom her brother would come home to the flat in the early hours of the mornings. He obviously knew that I was fucking Brenda but he didn’t seem to care.

I would sit there with him in the darkened flat, after fucking Brenda and talk to him about his banging a married woman, who had kids from three different blokes.

So, he didn’t seem to care how many kids she had as long as he was getting laid. All he wanted to tell me about was banging his girlfriend with three kids.

To my way of thinking it was a bit much.  I used to think that surely he can find a single girl with no kids or maybe only one. But, each to his own. That’s basically all I can remember about that little romance.

Except that I rarely saw the flat in anything but subdued light. We always crept around in the early morning in almost total darkness in case we work up Brenda’s Grandparents, and I come to think of it, never met them. .And I never did get it back on with Sue.  But I think that if I had hung out much more with Brenda. Sue and I could have become an item. Who knows? maybe I could of have had Sue and now and again have Brenda on the side.

 I was driving home from Brenda’s after my nightly bunk up. It was around 3 a.m. and I was pulled over on my scooter by an unmarked police car.It had four plainclothes cops. They were from the “Flying Squad “ . They asked me if I knew how fast I was going. I said no.

They could not believe that I was doing over 65 miles per hour on a scooter. They asked what kind of scooter it was. I said “a Lambretta. “ They asked me where I had been and where I was going. So I told them. I was at my girlfriend’s place and was on the way home. One cop said was it worth it staying out so late. I told him that it was.

They had a good laugh and told me to slow down and drive carefully. I said that I would, drove up the road at 30 miles per hour.

When they were out of sight I opened her back up to 65 miles per hour and continued on my way home. Maybe I should explain that Brenda lived on one side of London and me on the other. I guess the trip would take about 40 – 45 minutes. What one would do for some nooky.

There was a crowd of us who had scooters. We all used to meet up at different night clubs and dance halls. There we would plan the upcoming weekend.  We called ourselves “ Mods,” “.At the dance halls, we would plan where to meet, and go as a crowd down to the coast.

We use to go mainly to the south coast on the summer weekends. Bournemouth 100 miles Brighton about 70 miles and Southend on the Thames estuary. Don’t know how far that was.

Once when we were in Bournemouth we were driving around when my friend John Biggerstaff broke down. He was driving his fancy chromed up Vesper G.S. scooter with a passenger on the back. We had to get back to London one way or another. So we found a piece of rope no more than eight feet long.

I tied it to the chrome carrier on the back of my scooter and he tied the other end around his handlebars. Then I towed him and his passenger all the way back to Kensal  Green in London. We bombed along all the way back at 65 miles an hour.

We were fearless in those days, no crash helmets to boot. Even the Rockers on motorbikes were not that stupid they all wore crash helmets. A lot of use Mods used to wear a French-style beret tilted at the front just over our eyes. That was the Kool way to wear them

 At this time there were guys that drove around on motorbikes as I just mentioned, they were called “ Rockers “. They all had longish greasy hair Elvis style with the hair they wore leather jackets and leather boots. If we met up with them there was usually a fistfight. We hated them and they hated us.

We always considered them dirty and scruffy. They were the complete opposite to us. Mods considered themselves smart. We had short haircuts, “Perry Como” style. We would wear tailored suits. Fake crocodile skin pointed shoes called Winklepickers. which I, ve talked about.

 We went around with the same group of Mod girls, which we protected as if they were our own.  They too, like us, had their own Mod style of dress code.  If anybody gave them a hard time at a dance hall or club we were there for them, they were family.

Here,s the thing until I got screwed by Muriel  I had never had a girlfriend!

I was extremely shy, but that now, that was going was going to change in a heartbeat.

On Saturday night John Biggerstaff and I  were at a dance hall on the River Thames London. Called “Q “Boathouse.

I started to have a few dances with this pretty well built attractive girl. As the night wore on we were having slow really uptight dances. We were getting on so well that I asked if I could take her home. She was happy that I had asked her, but she told me that after the dance she was going to a party. So I asked her who’s the party it was.

She told me and I was happy that I knew the guys running the party. They were good friends of Reggie‘s brother Sid. So, I got myself an invite by giving the guy running the party a quid. Then I told her that I had got myself an invite to the party and I would see her there,  she said good, she would see me there. as she already had got herself a ride along with her friend. 

The party was at a café on the Harrow Road, Kensal Green just around the corner from Reggie’s place I got John Biggerstaff an invite to the party also. So, when we arrived at the café on our scooters we could hear the music going from outside so we went in and couples were dancing already.  John and I met some guys who we hadn’t seen for some time, and we got chatting with them.  So here’s the story about the cafe.

 It seemed that Len a middle-aged guy who owned the cafe had recently lost his wife to cancer. So the guys helped him to run the café. Especially on the weekends. They would help with the cleaning. Washing of the dishes serving the customers etc. in return Len would let them have a little party at the cafe on the odd Saturday night.

 After a bit, I realised I hadn’t seen the girl from the Q Boathouse dance hall. So I started to look for her. Something caught my eye. I saw a pair of high heels sliding along the cafe floor. Something told me to investigate; the heels had vanished through a door so I went over to the door there was a staircase leading to the second floor.

Laid out at the bottom of the staircase there was the girl from the Q dance hall. She was dead drunk. A guy called Bunny had her head and shoulders and a fellow named Sid had her legs. They both said to me . “ grab a leg, Bry”. I realised right away what was going on. It was going to be nooky time. So I grabbed a leg, and we hauled her upstairs and into a bedroom., where we laid her out.

Bunny said, “I’m first.” So we left him, closed the bedroom door and waited for our turn on the stairs. After half an hour out came Bunny shirt in hand he was soaking wet. All Bunny said was I put it in and she puked all over me. Sid said I don’t give a fuck it’s my turn. So in he goes, after a bit, he comes out and it’s my turn, in I go.

  Well, there she was in all her glory laid out on her back, naked on the bed.  Not moving a muscle.  Bunny or Sid had put her pink knickers over her head like some sort of skull cap.  I can still picture it now with the leg holes over her ears.

The smell of puke was stifling. , I stayed for a bit. “ but it did not do it for me”, and decided that it was going to be a Nooky less night. This was not for me. I want the girl to know what’s going on not like this. As I left the bedroom there was a line of the guys going down the stairs.

  I went back down to the café and went and sat with a ginger-haired guy called Ted Canealy. So I said to Ted, “ how come you’re not going to have a turn. He says to me “we had her over Wormwood Scrubs Park last week, she gets tired after about eight of us. After hearing this I was glad that I had not touched her. She was the local bike and one never knows what one could get from her!

In our late teens,  there is another event that I can touch on. One evening Reggie and I and three other friends were at the Odeon Theatre at Kensal Rise.  While we watching the movies we met up with i two local girls who were sitting in seats near us.  One of these girls  lived  around the corner from Reggie so from this meeting at the Odeon  we  became friends with the   girls  and would occasionally hang out with them

 One of the girls had her bedroom in the front room of her parents’ house. Sometimes her friend would stay over with her on a Friday or Saturday night. So, when all was quiet, around 11 o’clock, She would open up the bedroom window and let us in. 

 So there would be the two girls and up to five guys on the double bed. But after a while, things got more organised. there would be only a couple of boys and the two girls, on the bed and the rest of the boys sitting around on chairs. Awaiting their turn. 

The boys on the bed got their cocks out and the girls proceeded to wank them off.  once they were done the boys waiting got on the bed for their turn.  It was one giant wank fest. The girls could not be persuaded to do anything else but, everybody there was serviced with a hand job, and we were happy at that. They were fun nights.

This event would occur every so often. It was like going to the barbers. Boys sitting around waiting. There was no noise, no fucking around. The bedroom was quiet because if there was any noise they would lose out on a hand job If the girl’s parents were to hear us. Luckily for us, we were never caught because we keep quiet, and we kept this little event to ourselves. Only those in the bedroom knew about it, and it was kept in a  low profile.  Nobody let the cat out of the bag while spoiling a good thing.

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